One of the most common reasons people seek coaching is this: “I’m stuck.”
Sometimes they’re restless.
Sometimes change has been thrust upon them.
Sometimes they simply can’t see what they want next.
I once worked with a client who stayed stuck in the “deciding” phase for nearly three months. She sought clarity on her next professional move, but she was paralyzed. She had lots of ideas, but dismissed every option as impossible. She couldn't imagine a way forward because she couldn't let go of the way things were in the present.
Until one day, something shifted. You’ve felt it before, that sudden click.
Seemingly out of nowhere, she realized that a solution she’d rejected was what she’d desired for years. Her excuses had been protecting her from fear. The insight was that this fear was outdated, and was no longer a match for her dreams.
In psychology, insight is defined as a sudden change in how we understand a problem, which often opens the door to a range of new solutions. When we’re stuck, we’re usually operating under false assumptions, or what researchers call “unnecessary constraints.” We don’t realize that our view of the problem is incomplete. We keep applying the same strategies and hitting the same wall.
Then, often outside of our awareness, the brain reorganizes the pieces. The solid wall becomes movable bricks.
The frustrating part is that you can’t force that shift. Trying harder often tightens the very constraints that block you. You can create conditions that make insight more likely, however.
Capturing an A-ha moment is a bit like coaxing a stray dog. You stay near enough to keep sight of it, but if you chase it, it runs. You have to be calm. Patient. Open.
Do the conscious work first. Gather information, engage with it, think deeply, brainstorm. Then loosen up and step away. Focused thinking keeps your attention on the problem as it is, while diffuse attention lets the pieces of the wall fall apart. That’s why so many insights happen in what researchers jokingly call the “3 Bs”: Bed. Bath. Bus.
When your mind wanders, it reorganizes. Introducing novelty can also interrupt rigid thinking.
When insight finally lands, what makes it powerful isn’t just the new idea itself, it's also the feeling that comes with it: excitement, clarity, and pride in yourself as someone who can solve problems. That positive emotional surge isn’t random, it’s built into the process to create momentum for whatever challenge comes next.
Here's your Ultimate You challenge.
Pick one small thing you've been stuck on recently. Maybe choosing a vacation destination, deciding whether to attend an event, or initiating a hard conversation.
Start by engaging with it intentionally. Write down possible options or next steps.
Turn the problem like a cube in your hand. Look at every side. Ask yourself questions such as:
- What assumptions and constraints might not be true?
- What won’t work — and why?
- What would a child suggest? An elder?
- What if the opposite of my current belief were true?
- What if all constraints disappeared?
Then step away. Go outside. Take a walk. Change rooms. Sit in a different chair. Take a drive. Sleep on it overnight. Think about it during your morning shower.
Resist the urge to force an answer, and let your mind wander. Your job isn’t to manufacture the A-ha, it’s to create space for restructuring.
After you’ve given it time, jot down anything new that surfaced. You might not have a final answer, but something on the list could send you in a new direction. Sometimes an A-ha hits you like a lightning bolt, and sometimes it comes from a series of shifts.
Insight doesn’t arrive through pressure, it arrives through openness, novelty, and a restructuring of what you know. But when it happens, you'll notice. That's the feeling part that comes from the joy of discovery and the thrill of coming up with something new.
So when your A-ha arrives? Go ahead, pump your fist! You’re an insight-making machine with the power to transform yourself from stuck to inspired. That's worth celebrating!
In health and happiness,
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