Last weekend, my husband and I sent our son off to college for his senior year. This wasn’t a normal fall return-to-school, however. He’d been home for over a year after a sports injury required surgery, and he took a gap year to focus on recovery.
While the reason for having him home certainly wasn’t something to celebrate, the year itself was a gift. I got to spend time up close and personal with the newly emerged young-adult version of my son. I watched him face adversity with gusto, set goals and work toward them, make an effort to sustain team leadership from afar, and excel in his first corporate internship.
Now, fully recovered, it was time for him to head back and finish his college experience.
Of course I’m incredibly excited for him. But this is still a transition, and the end of something good. I didn’t want to get lost in the sadness, though, so I decided that every time someone mentioned this ending, I’d make a deliberate mindset shift and put my attention on the good that’s to come.
The end of something good stinks. There’s often a heaviness that comes with knowing a chapter we enjoyed is over. But anticipation creates a very different emotional experience. Having something good on the horizon can bring energy, interest, and lightness before that good thing even happens.
Research backs this up. Studies of positive anticipation and what psychologists call episodic future thinking—our ability to mentally imagine experiences that haven’t happened yet—suggest that looking forward to positive events can generate positive emotion in the present. In other words, some of the pleasure of a good experience comes not only from having it, but from anticipating it.
That doesn’t mean we should pretend we aren’t sad about an ending. Just as I’m not a fan of toxic positivity, I’m not interested in using future plans to talk ourselves out of perfectly appropriate feelings. It’s okay to miss someone, mourn a change, or wish a good season could have lasted longer.
Let the feeling have its moment. Let it consume you for a bit if that’s what you need. Just be intentional about giving it an expiration date.
After acknowledging what you’re leaving behind, make the mental effort to become interested in what’s happening now and what might be waiting ahead. And if there’s nothing on the horizon that currently sparks anticipation, that’s something you can change with a little brainstorming and action.
Here's your Ultimate You challenge.
Think about one ending or transition you’re experiencing right now—even a small one. Give yourself permission to acknowledge what you’ll miss about it, and celebrate what it brought to your life. Then ask yourself: What’s something good about the chapter that’s coming next?
In addition to shifting your mindset about what’s changing, make sure you have something to look forward to on your calendar. It doesn’t have to be something big like a vacation or a major life event.
Make a dinner plan. Choose a new hiking trail to try. Buy tickets to something. Schedule time with someone you enjoy. Start planning a project you’ve been thinking about. The activity matters less than intentionally creating a small point of positive anticipation in your future.
We spend a lot of time thinking about how to cope with difficult things, but part of emotional well-being is also learning how to create and notice good things. Transitions give us a chance to practice both. We can appreciate what was, feel the sadness of letting it go, and still turn our attention toward something ahead.
My year with my son at home was a gift I never expected to receive, and I’m going to miss it. I don’t need to convince myself otherwise. But I also don’t want the goodness of what just ended to keep me facing backward.
There are always good chapters ahead when we stay open to them and take action to create experiences we enjoy. When we give ourselves something to look forward to, it becomes easier to turn the page.
