Shortly after I started coaching, I came across this powerful parable. It's an easy check-in I often use with clients, and for myself.
A Buddhist monk once asked his students:
“If you’re carrying a cup of coffee and someone bumps into you, why did you spill the coffee?”
Each student quickly replied with the same response, “Because someone bumped into me.”
The monk shook his head. “No. The reason you spilled coffee is because that’s what you were carrying in your cup. If you were carrying water, you would have spilled water.”
Then he said something profound:
“Whenever life shakes you, whatever you’re carrying is what spills out. If you’re carrying fear, jealousy, anger, or resentment, that’s what will spill. But if you’re carrying love, compassion, kindness, and grace, that’s what will spill.”
Mic drop, right?
It's inevitable that life will "bump" us. A careless driver cuts you off, your boss sends an urgent email just as you're leaving the office, a family member pushes your buttons. We can’t control when we get “shaken,” but we can choose what fills our cup.
Many of us walk around full of unresolved slights from the past or fears about the future. When we’re jostled, the emotions we're gripping onto will spill out. But when we pause, spend a moment in self-reflection, and fill our cups intentionally, the same bump can lead to patience, empathy, curiosity, or even humor.
It’s not “bad” that frustration or fear spills out sometimes; that just means you’re human. What matters is noticing what you’ve been carrying and realizing you don’t have to keep refilling your cup with the same old brew. You can pour it out, rinse the cup, and start fresh.
Here's your Ultimate You challenge.
Each morning this week, take 30 seconds and ask yourself:
“What am I carrying in my cup today?”
- If the answer feels charged in your body, pause. Ground yourself in the present moment with a few slow breaths while you direct your attention to something you can see or hear in your environment. Name it and describe it.
- Release the grudges of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow. Imagine them passing by like clouds in the sky.
- Then, choose what you want to spill when life bumps you around—patience, compassion, kindness, curiosity, etc. Write that word on a sticky note and put it where you'll see it during life's most trying moments.
- You'll know you're on the right track if your answer feels light, expansive, and peaceful. Then smile and get out there to greet your day!
When you pause each morning to notice what you’re carrying, you take back the power to decide what you'll spill out into the world. Fill your cup with what you want to share. It’s one piece of your life you can control, and it changes the way you experience every jostle you encounter.
